Creature Commandos

 

by some megacorp, idk

AG! WHO ARE YOU?

    Creature Commandos is such a GLOG. In that, I mean it is about a modular, highly-lethal team of down-on-their-luck (imprisoned) weirdos. Sure, you’ve got the fairly standard honorable military leader character, Rick Flag, but you also have a murderhobo robot (but he only murders Nazis 😌), a fire elemental, a Gothic gunslinger, etc. You should watch it. Only seven episodes! I urge you to just try out the first two episodes.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

    It’s also watchable with basically no backstory needed. Sure, The Suicide Squad (2021) is a really good movie. And sure, Peacemaker, its sequel show, is a good, irreverent take on the cycle of trauma and toxic masculinity, but you don’t need to watch those to make sense of Creature Commandos. Suicide Squad but monsters. That’s it, that's the elevator pitch.

PLEASE LEAVE

    I have more spoiler-y thoughts, so I might write an analysis of the themes, both of the show overall and character-centric arcs. I’m not sure I’m going to post it for Internet People to look at, but if you watch/have watched it, let me know your thoughts about the show.

    It's not perfect, but I liked it.

ARE YOU GOING TO AT LEAST LEAVE SOMETHING GAMEABLE??

    No, fuck you, voice in my head.

Four More Strangers

    Four NPCs to encounter and interact with in deus ex parabola's setting the Unfinished World. It is highly recommended you read this post of his to understand what is happening.

    All artwork in this post was made by niosis. Go check out her blog.

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1. Guthild

    A Shee veteran of several mercenary campaigns all across the world. She generally fights for whoever will pay her the most, but will never fight for an Umbern interest, ‘cause fuck those guys. Now, Guthild is pursuing a mission in the local area. Her current mission can be whatever adventure the PCs are on. She is generally quiet, prone to violence, and serious.

    Stats. Guthild is a HD 2 Fighter B. Amongst other standard fighter equipment, she has a magic sword that she recovered from a dead green heretic during one of her mercenary missions. Named G_D GIVEN BEAUTY, it is a +1 greatsword of pure bronte steel. As an action, G_D GIVEN BEAUTY’s bronte color will bleed into Guthild’s skin, making the sword normal steel and giving Guthild the various properties of bronte (namely, natural AC 14 and powerful unarmed attacks). If she dies while in this state, the bronte returns to the sword. If the sword is broken while it is normal steel, Guthild will remain in her bronte state indefinitely.

2. Telesphorus

    Telesphorus is a short King at only 5' 6", a fact which causes him no small amount of violent rage. Luckily (?), he managed to channel this anger into graduating from the Academy as an Armature. He still ostensibly serves the Academy, but is trying to not-so-subtly find a bunch of treasure and get rich quickly. Telesphorus is generally boisterous, frustrating, and fond of drink.

    Stats. Telesphorus is a HD 2 Armature B, with none of the special Kingly bonuses. His Armature is of notably mediocre make, except for the Shoulder-Mounted Pepperbox that he calls his "King Blaster."

3. Isabel Barnier

    She carries the hunting bow for show—her real talent lies in the realm of black powder and gunmetal. Isabel is from Etroit, in Arel (see Go Team Evil! from what happened there), which is basically a cowboy town. She left home after the rise of a new dictator, traveling north to Aeshe, or perhaps Icorn. She's looking for enough power to enact revenge against those who wronged her people.

    Stats. Isabel is a HD 1 Gunwoman A. That's it. She's the most unremarkable one of this bunch, and she's quickly heading towards an unremarkable death.

4. Goodmanners Barbecue

    Goodmanners is a kindhearted adherent of the Yellow mask faith, which is described here. Notably, Goodmanners is not a Cleric or Paladin, he's just a altruistic Spider, but that's normal around here. He's trying to make a pilgrimage to all important holy sites, and appears most of the time as a well-intentioned tourist who relentlessly tries to convert you to his faith.

    Stats. As giant spider.